"How Long Should I Wait Before I Call Her?"


This is a very valid question, and I hate attempting to answer it, but I will do my best to give you some insights that will hopefully help you answer this question for yourself, according to your unique situation.  


When is he going to call me?  Why didn’t he call me?  Will he ever call me?  He called me the same night, UGH!


I really want to call her?  Should I call her?  Dang, I forgot to call her! 


Oh, the games we play and the overthinking we do.  I have conflicting opinions.  The pragmatist in me says, “Call her whenever you like, within reason.”  More specifically, this means about any time between noon and nine o’clock in the evening on any given day.  I’d also go so far as to highly recommend NOT calling the same day you get the number.  I think everyone appreciates authenticity.  If you’re interested in someone, of course, you’re going to want to call them sooner rather than later, but there’s the valid concern of seeming too eager or anxious.  You aren’t being untrue to yourself when you exercise a bit of restraint. You are the same “you” when you put off having dessert until Friday, right?  My opinion is that two days is optimal.  Any more than three days-- in this day and time in which so much is vying for our attention-- she’ll either have forgotten you or figured you weren’t interested.  


One way to avoid this issue entirely is by asking her when she’d like for you to call—or when a good time to call would be, upon receiving her number.  You don’t have to overthink it, you both have established an expectation, and you have your first opportunity to make good on your word.  Just remember, if she doesn’t answer or return your call immediately, you must allow for life circumstances.  Similarly, if something prevents you from making the call upon your agreed time, make it as soon as possible afterward and share honestly your reason for your delinquency.  


Without going overboard or too in-depth, I believe establishing a mode of communication is considerate as well.  When you get the number, I think it’s a good idea, when you’re casually putting it on her to tell you when it's okay to call, go ahead and add the word “text,” as in, “When is a good time to call or text you?”  If, in her reply, she isn’t specific to the actual day, default to the one or two days after guideline.  Although I believe it is more personal and shows you value the conversation, sending a text asking, “Is it a good time to talk?” before calling, is a courtesy and helpful.  Try to not fall into communicating by text only.  Of course it easier, and in many cases, it’s very acceptable.  But getting to know someone is much more difficult through reading his/her words than through verbal communication.  Misunderstanding and communication breakdown is much more likely to occur through messaging.  


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