How to Get People to Like You Without Feeling Like a Fraud
Let’s face it: everyone wants to be liked. It’s human nature to crave the attention, admiration, and respect of our family, friends, and peers.
Most of us are good at reading people or gaging the room, and, as a result, tend to change parts about ourselves to fit in – altering behavior, making up stories, or expounding upon truths to make us seem that much better than we are.
The problem is, however, that while these little white lies that seep into our conversations, resumes, stories, and behavior may seem to make us more likeable in the eyes of the person we tailor them to, they’re really preventing others from getting to know, and appreciate, the real you. Not to mention that the discovery of these lies for what they are, no matter how small, can hurt your reputation, rather than help it!
So, how can you come across as likeable in a conversation, honestly, even if you think there’s not much to like?
How can you paint yourself as an ideal candidate for a job you have little experience in, without adding false information to your resume?
How can you show people the real you, without wearing your heart on your sleeve?
Learn to Love Yourself First
In most cases, personal insecurity, feelings of worthlessness, or that you’re “just not good enough”, is at the root of pretending to be someone you’re not.
In our interactions with others, we get a sense of their likes and dislikes, their social status, and their own value of identity – and if our own views clash or seem “less than” in our minds, we’ll change them to appear more satisfactory.
But here’s the thing: you can never become truly comfortable with taking off the mask of someone else, being only yourself in front of others, if you don’t first believe that you are worth being. That your own identity is infinitely better than any other you can come up with.
And even if you don’t believe that yet, let me tell you right now that you are. You have worth, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re attractive, you have a great personality, you make enough money, you have the job, the house, and the car that you need, and even if they don’t show it as often as you’d like, people do value you.
You are enough, and no one in the world could ever be like you.
And if people don’t see that? If they reject you for you? Well, then they’re not worth your time anyways! There are plenty of others out there who will – even if it takes a little time to find them.
So, don’t be afraid. Don’t be embarrassed. Be you, and be proud!
Realize That No One is Perfect
Everyone makes mistakes. It’s a part of being human!
Understanding that no one is perfect is just the first step to becoming comfortable with your own, beautifully flawed identity, that ultimately leads to the confidence to allow others to see those flaws, as well. Just because you don’t have it all together (psst, no one ever does!), doesn’t mean you’re failure.
Quite the contrary, actually! Research shows that more people tend to like and respect those they know to have made mistakes, but are pushing past and learning from them, rather than those who appear aloof, perfect, and unrelatable.
Plus, in this day and age, honesty is a rare and beautiful thing. You might be surprised how many people will appreciate and open up after a little vulnerability.
This is not to say, however, that you should go about sharing your deepest, darkest secrets to anyone who will listen. Unfortunately, there are people who can’t be trusted, while there is a time and a place for everything. One should always use their better judgment in every situation.
However, know that vulnerability is okay. When asked, be honest about your experiences, flaws, and failures. Joke about them! Share what you learned from the situation, or how you’re trying to change things! Listen when people share their own experiences!
Be happy, honest, and open, and people won’t help but see you as a friend.
How to Be Honest in a Work Application, Without Being Dismissed
Trying to get that dream job, but don’t have the experience they’re looking for?
Instead of lying on the application and adding false achievements, try simply being honest with the fact that, yes, maybe you don’t have all the qualifications necessary to be an ideal candidate, but you do have a passion to succeed, and the willingness to learn!
Highlight the experience you do have, what about the job excites you, how you can help the company succeed, and why you’re going to do everything in your power to make sure they do.
Being upfront about something – especially when relating to important work issues that don’t necessary benefit you – is a quality extremely attractive to most employers. It’s an amazing testament to your character and honor as a person, while your enthusiasm for the job itself can separate you from the pile of mundane resume clichés.
Don’t risk the shame of immediate dismissal due to a resume follow-up, or the blank-faced stammering of an unforeseen question regarding your “work experience” during an interview.
Show your potential employers that you take them, and the job, seriously, and are willing to do whatever it takes to help them succeed.
I think they’ll like you all the more for it!